Before we dive into today’s post I want to give a heads-up that I’m gonna be talking about bodily fluids and things we do in bathrooms, so if you are not interested in joining that journey you may want to sit this week out. #nojudgement
However, if you aren’t offended by such topics I believe you are about to be mildly entertained. #expectationmanagement
Recently I have had a string of medical issues. Prior to this year, I would categorize myself as medically boring. A designation which was absolutely fine with me. However, it does seem my body has determined that 2022 is the year to shake it up and try a different direction regarding my health.
While in the process of meeting with multiple doctors to determine what’s going on with the various systems of your body, it isn’t too long before tests need to be administered.
Some of these tests are passive, just lay here while we look at a body part or take a picture. However, some tests you are an active participant and in order for the test to be successful you must complete a very specific task.
At my core, I am a compliant individual. Reading others and trying to please them is both a strength of mine and a challenge to overcome. For example, you know when you are at a restaurant and you place your order, I genuinely feel happy when the waiter or waitress says “Good choice” in response to hearing my selection. Yup, I want all the gold stars.
Anyhoo, for this particular test I need to provide a urine sample. Not a difficult task, but still a very specific task. Sure we do it all the time, but for this to work you need to do it at the right time.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to make an appointment, I could just walk-in to make a “deposit” (their words, not mine). The only challenge would be timing it out so that I had enough to deposit, but not so much as to make it a dicey situation.
The morning I had planned to go I woke up and had the perfect balance of having something to deposit, but far enough away from that dire “zone of concern.”
All I had to do was get ready, pull together what I needed to bring with me and head out the door. Unfortunately, it does appear that my morning routine is more set than I realized, because somewhere between brushing teeth and getting dressed I found myself sitting on the toilet expelling my “deposit” at home.
Of course, I wasn’t deterred. I love a challenge. I started drinking both water and coffee, quite sure that by the time I got to the lab I would be fine. #optimist
I made it to the office and checked in with Deborah, the kindly receptionist. She told me to have a seat and they would call me soon. However, I was not feeling like I was prepared to follow through on what I was going to be required to do when the time came.
I had no idea if drinking moments before was going to help anything, but I was committed to do what I could to help the process, so I started to wander over to where the rest rooms are in the hopes of finding a water fountain. Of course, I also started to wonder in this time of COVID do places still allow the use of water fountains?
Deborah saw my tentative wandering and called me back to the desk. She said, “I saw you were heading to the rest room, but considering what you are here for honey, I think it would be best if you didn’t do that right now.”
To which I said, “Oh thank you so much for noticing, but I was actually looking for a water fountain because I’m not sure I’m quite ready for this. However, with COVID are water fountains even a thing anymore?”
She replied, “I understand honey. How about I get you a cup of water and you go have a seat over there?” #thanksDeborah
As I was waiting and hoping this water would miraculously make it through my body when the time came, I started to become aware of a different sensation. As I was mentally trying to will my body to be able to pee, my body said, “Sorry kid, we’re all out of #1, but could I interest you in a #2?”
It was at that moment I heard a nurse call out “Rebecca?”
I walked back with the nurse who handed me a cup and pointed to a bathroom door while giving me basic instructions about what needed to happen. I took the cup and entered the room. I hung up my coat and purse figuring that if I gave myself a moment I’m sure my body would comply. #peoplepleaser
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to find another nurse standing there with another patient holding the same cup as I had and looking slightly irritated. The nurse said, “Oh, alright, just have a seat here and wait until she is done.”
So now, not only is my body not ready to produce the correct “deposit,” I’ve got a disgruntled person sitting outside the bathroom waiting for me to be done.
I closed the door and decided the only thing I could do would be to address what my body was clearly ready to expel and hope in the process I could catch enough of what I came there to do.
I’ll spare you the details (#yourewelcome) but I’m proud to say that I made it through and successfully took care of what was needed. #ultimategoldstar
Thanks for listening to my story, I hope I hit the stated mark of mildly entertaining you. Next week I’ll get back to updating on all the various VO and art stuff I’m doing, but until then remember, if you focus on what went right you will have more peace and if you focus on what went wrong you will have a funny story to tell. #winwin
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